This is a famous essay about raising a kids with disabilities. Although he wasn't what we expected, Errol is the light of our lives, and we are so lucky to have him.
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
2 comments:
Jonathan, that is a beautiful essay! To a lesser extent, isn't it true that all of us parents get routed to a different destination than we have prepared for?
I've read some of your newer posts to learn about Errol's undiagnosis. Wow! I just hope that doesn't lead to a diminishing of services for him; it sounds like he is making amazing progress!
The last few days I have been glued to this blog. I found it a little late relative to Errol's birth, but have found problem making time to catch up on his victories! I have laughed so much, cried a few times, reflected so much I can't pay attention in class, and had several meaningful conversations - all spawned by Errol's story. Thank you Mr. Milner for writing this blog, and for making it open for whomever to read.
I have learned so much from you. Not only about Government and Politics 4 years ago, along with 5 weeks of Bosnian customs, history, and curse words :) but now about much more. Life, beauty, value, hope, children, RTS, attitude, perspective...even sorrel! This poem is so beautiful, and I'm glad to have this perspective.
I am currently taking a class called Psychology of the Mentally Retarded and Developmentally Disabled. May I share your blog website and this poem with the class?
Sending LOVE (and warm Miami sunshine!)to your beautiful family, Lisa Maria Rhodes :)
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