Owen's Book For Errol

Our friends bring their seven month old to dinner. His sweet little sounds remind us of Errol who, when he died at age three and a half years, was developmentally about seven or eight months old. After our friends leave, Owen disappears into his room. He returns a few minutes later with the book he has been writing about Errol. We begin to add a second chapter to it.

Owen dictates and I type:

Chapter 2

I really, really, really miss Errol because he died seven months ago.
He is my best companion in the family.

Errol is the nicest brother in the whole universe.
Errol was so important to me.

Errol, my mom, and my dad are my best companions in the family.
Errol was so great to me.
I really liked how when I held him he would giggle sometimes.

I really miss Errol and I wish he were still here with us.
If Errol were here I would tickle him, and play peek-a-boo, and hold him and never put him down.

Errol would really like the summer time because he loved warm weather.
He would have really liked the pool we went to the other day. I really miss him.

Errol would have really liked Owen’s birthday party.
He would have liked the big splash Owen makes on the diving board and he would have liked opening Owen’s presents.
He would have really liked playing with the wrapping paper of the presents.

After I write his words out for him Owen turns to see if I am crying, reaches to embrace me with a big hug, and says, “it’s ok, Daddy.”

But it's really not.

Owen, Cary and I go into the boys’ room to put Owen down for the night. Cary reads Owen’s book about Errol out loud and Owen says, “We should get Errol wrapping paper for his birthday this year.” Cary stares ahead and says, ”I sure miss that little boy” and she starts to cry.

Unasked, Owen rushes to the bathroom to gets his mother a tissue, but before he can come back we hear him break into a high lonesome cry. After a minute, Owen reappears with a tissue to his watery eyes and a fist full of tissues for our tears. We tell Owen that he is the best kid in the world, as we fall upon one another like rain.

When our tears finally slow, Cary says, “I was going by the food co-op today when I realized I had forgotten to pick up Errol.”

And this morning, I made the same mistake. After I drop Owen off for school I steer the car - for a nanosecond - towards Errol's school until I remember that Errol is not with me.

I really miss Errol and I wish he were still here with us.
Errol was so great to me.